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The day God called my angel home
My brain does a wonderful job at taking care of me. She takes my trauma, Wraps it up in bubble wrap, Tucks it away in the darkest corner and covers it in cobwebs until I am ready to clean that corner, unpack it, and put it away on the shelf of resolved issues. But not his one. She illuminates it. Especially on this day. I cannot believe it’s been twelve years. “Buzz….. Buzz, Buzz…. Buzzzzzzzzzz” My phone vibrates in my pocket as I turn toward the backseat to tend to a fussy three-year-old crying about his foot being asleep and his stomach barking at him. “Nope, I don’t have time…
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Dear little Stormy pt 1
Stormy; (of weather) characterized by strong winds and usually rain, thunder, lightning, or snow. (of the sea or sky) having large waves or dark clouds because of windy or rainy conditions.Characterized by violent emotions, passions, speech, or actions. Wow… Those are big shoes to fill. With a God-given name like that, how is it possible that you do not have a wildly beautiful purpose to fill in this lifetime? How is it possible that you are not meant to be everything you are today and yet so much more tomorrow? How is it possible that you ever, even once, doubted the beauty that lies deep within your soul? The hurt…
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Be the lighthouse
Statistically I should be a junkie. I should, at this very moment, be passed out with a needle in my arm. On the dirty floor of a trap house with no running water and man-eating roaches crawling on the walls. I should be outside of the liquor store begging for change to buy my next bottle. Drowning my trauma in tequila. I should be begging that my next fix is the one that finally does me in. But I’m not. I have worked since I was 15 years old to build the life opposite of what I grew up in. I have also watched as that life fell apart. And…
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To my future Husband
My Love, I can remember, as a little girl, dreaming about what my wedding day would look like. Even as a child the same gypsy blood ran through my veins. Pretty white high heels with manicured toes were never in the original plan. Always barefoot. A chain of flowers wrapped around my ankle. Surrounded by the people that loved me most. Birds chirping. Sun shining. Flowers in full bloom. I pictured myself the most beautiful bride there ever was walking slowly down the center aisle headed straight toward the love of my life. Until one day I stopped allowing myself to dream of such a beautiful moment. I stopped allowing…
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Yellow
I Today affirm that I am in love with being YELLOW!! I have never been a subscriber to coincidence. Even as a child I knew that everything happened with purpose, usually had no idea what the purpose was, but always had to find and keep the faith that there was a reason for it. As an adult, I KNOW without a doubt that every person that is placed in my path is placed there for a reason. The woman that I wanted to yank from the front seat of her car after she flipped me off before cutting me off at the intersection and speeding through the red light… The…
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Daffodile
“Shhhit! We are late boy, go brush your teeth and get your ass in the car, we have to get it in gear!” I shot Drake a stern glance as I walked out the door and jumped in the car. Ten minutes later we were zooming through traffic as we made our way to the high school. “Have a wonderful Wednesday, do your best to be your best, and don’t forget how important you are.“ I gave my usual morning speech as he stepped out of the car and made his way up the catwalk stairs toward the hell that awaits freshmen every day. I let out a sigh of…
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Lotus flower
“TAG!!! You’re it!!” I yelled through my laughter as I ducked out of Mrs. Williams’s rose bush, ambushing Jessi. She rolled her eyes as she spoke; “Fine, but stop cheating asshole! Or I’m going to tell your mom.” Jessi was my best friend. Really, she was my only friend. She lived right across the road from me in a house that was just as run-down as my own, with a mom that was just as consumed with her demons as my mom. Even as a 9-year-old child, Jessi didn’t follow the herd when they made fun of my greasy hair or dirty clothes, in fact, she once punched a kid…
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Wild Things
Today I affirm that I belong among the wild things. This morning, as I stand in my mirror styling my hair in double fun buns, little Stormy tried to throw a fit. “Oh, my GAWD… You’re too old for fun buns, people are going to look at us funny. Just put it in a ponytail.” She whispers in my ear She was always very insecure. No one ever told her that she was special. No one ever told her that she was perfect just the way she was. No one ever looked her in the eyes and told her just how magical she is. So, she never knew. What a…
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Do it scared
Today… I affirm that doing it scared is still doing it. Eight months ago I decided to do it scared.Do it all…. Scared as hell.I’ll never forget the morning I woke up and decided, that day, that life had to change. My ex and I had been separated for a little over a year.When we first separated he and I sat down and talked about the many ways we could handle the breakup. We had spent the past 15 years together.Bought and made a home together. Created a life together. Created a family together. Had a business together.Everything had been “ours” and now we were to sit down and decide…
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The meaning of Valentine’s Day
“Happy Valentine’s Day Miss Stormy!!” Donny said with all the excitement that a 9-year-old boy could possess… really, no one should be THAT excited over this stupid day. “Happy Valentine’s Day Donny“ I said with a smile, as we made our usual lap around the hallways with Bella, the school therapy dog after all the other children had scurried off to their classrooms. Donny was ATE UP with ADHD and had a mother at home who was …. Otherwise distracted… with her demons and five other boys in the mornings and would often send this child to school unmediated. Now, I’m not going to be the first person to jump…
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