Daffodile

“Shhhit! We are late boy, go brush your teeth and get your ass in the car, we have to get it in gear!”

I shot Drake a stern glance as I walked out the door and jumped in the car.

Ten minutes later we were zooming through traffic as we made our way to the high school.

“Have a wonderful Wednesday, do your best to be your best, and don’t forget how important you are.“

I gave my usual morning speech as he stepped out of the car and made his way up the catwalk stairs toward the hell that awaits freshmen every day.

I let out a sigh of relief that I had gotten him to school on time.

As I pulled back into our driveway, my thoughts of everything that needs to be done today were interrupted as my attention was brought to the patch of bright green, tall straight stems near the front porch of our home that will soon produce beautiful yellow Daffodil blooms. I hadn’t noticed them before now. Not even two weeks ago the ground was cold, brown, and dead covered by 6 inches of snow. There was no sign of life, anywhere.

But today…. Today there is not just life, but the promise of beauty to come.

My tears began to spill out of my eyes and flood my cheeks as my heart overflowed with gratitude as moments of my own journey flashed through my head.

First with moments where I too was buried under 6 inches of snow. No sign of life anywhere. Nothing but cold, gray skies above and the dead ground below. No life left in me to give. Moments when I truly believed I would die. Moments when parts of me truly did die.

Moments when I had no other option than to allow those things to die, even when I felt like I was dying right along with them because really, I was.

As I sat in those memories my tears began to flow more freely as I relived the heartbreak of those moments. The pain in my chest is a reminder that those things still hurt.

As I wiped the tears from my eyes I glanced around the front yard and noticed several more patches of green and my heart began to race with excitement as God gifted me with new memories.

Memories of the new seeds that I have planted in the cold dead ground.

Memories of the moments I have lovingly watered those seeds.

Memories of the times I have made blooming my priority.

We go through seasons, just like Mother Earth.

It is necessary for growth. Sometimes those seasons are seasons of death. There is no gentle way to put this. Sometimes we get so far off track with what our purpose is that God has to crumble our foundation. At those moments, we truly believe we are dying, because we are. The foundation that we have built this part of our life on no longer serves the purpose it once did because it is time for something new. Something better. Something beautiful. So God sends the winter. God sends the clouds to take away what we view as sunshine. He sends the cold wind to replace the warmth and he sends the snow to cover the ground that holds the seeds being planted.

And we die. Those parts of us that will no longer serve us on our path will die.

This is natural and necessary.

But it hurts like hell. Growth is not a pretty process.

It’s painful, lonely, and scary as shit.

That’s why we hang on to things that are not good for us for so long.

But just as winter is necessary for the life cycle of Earth, so is spring.

The clouds, cold, and snow forced the change.

But the change is inevitable and dependable.

You can always trust that, even in the coldest of winters, spring is right around the corner.

Those clouds will part and the brilliant sunshine will come out again.

The winds will change and the warmth will grace your cheeks once more.

The snow will melt and you will see that it was watering the daffodils all along.

Today- I find myself straddling the line between two worlds. In between two versions of myself. Still feeling the effects of winter, but seeing the beauty of spring that will soon unfold. I am here, still able to feel the heartbreak that led to my personal winter but now able to sit in gratitude for it, because if it weren’t for the cold dark death I experienced, I wouldn’t have been able to sprout the roots in the soil that have now produced new STRONG dependable stems that will soon produce beautiful bright yellow flowers for all to see.

I am truly blessed and grateful beyond belief.

So today I ask you:

Is this a hurricane, or is God helping you plant new seeds?

Find the beauty in this day.

Find the beauty in yourself.

You are blooming.