To my future Husband

My Love,

I can remember, as a little girl, dreaming about what my wedding day would look like.

Even as a child the same gypsy blood ran through my veins.

Pretty white high heels with manicured toes were never in the original plan.

Always barefoot.

A chain of flowers wrapped around my ankle.

Surrounded by the people that loved me most.

Birds chirping.

Sun shining.

Flowers in full bloom.

I pictured myself the most beautiful bride there ever was walking slowly down the center aisle headed straight toward the love of my life.

Until one day I stopped allowing myself to dream of such a beautiful moment.

I stopped allowing myself to believe that such a beautiful dream actually belonged to me. Those dreams began to feel as though I were a guest at someone else’s wedding.

It just felt so far out of reach that it broke my heart to believe.

I was lost.

I was so lost, my love.

For so long.

Just lost.

I’m so grateful that you didn’t find me then. I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to find myself so that you can find ME. So that you can find the real me.

So that you can find me at my best.

Find me at my fullest.

Find me at my brightest- my whole self.

I’m so grateful that THIS is the me you get.

Honestly, I’m so excited for you.

I’m so excited that you get this version of me.

I mean… yes… I’m a whole ass mess most days.

I am loud.

Like… EXTRA loud.

I’ll embarrass the hell out of you at every available opportunity.

I’ll do my little dancy dance down the grocery store aisle.

I’ll put on an all-out concert for everyone at the stoplight.

I’ll be the loudest soccer mom in the stands.

I’ll cry about literally EVERYTHING.

I’ll be cranky when I’m hungry and rarely be able to choose where we go to eat.

I’ll either never finish the Netflix series after we start it…. Or I’ll finish it without you.

I’ll tell you I’m not hungry and steal your French fries when you’re not looking.

I will always have some type of crystals and candles in the bathroom and will talk to my plants every day to keep them alive.

I’ll drive you fucking crazy.

But….

The love you’re going to receive from me because of the love I have found for myself is TOP NOTCH.

The freedom you’re going to enjoy, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically because of the freedom I have given myself from my codependency is exhilarating.

The inspiration I’m going to give you because of the inspiration that just the thought of you has given me is unimaginable.

I’ll forever be grateful for you because of who I have become in preparation for you.

I will make it my full-time job to ensure that you never go a single moment of a single day without knowing you are loved.

I will always be your biggest hype man… but NEVER be your yes man.

I’ll do my best to keep my temper under control when we don’t agree on something… even though you will be wrong.

And if by a freak accident, I am ever wrong, I promise to always apologize.

I will always spoil you with affection: physical touch is my love language.

I promise that I will forever hold space for you to be yourself.

I will always hold space for you to express yourself.

Hold space for you so that you feel safe.

I will always move through life with the purest intentions so that you will never have to wonder where my heart is;

Because, my love, it already belongs to you.

I have spent lifetimes within this lifetime searching for someone to love me.

Begging for someone to love me.

I have spent countless nights begging through tear-soaked sobs lost in my broken-heartedness- praying for you.

Begging God to send me an angel.

Begging God to send me a knight and shining armor

Begging for you to ride in on your trusty steed and save the day.

I have to apologize for the many times I cursed your name for not showing up.

I thought that my cries were not being heard. I didn’t know that God was listening all along.

Sometimes prayers are answered in the wildest of ways. Things that your wildest dreams are made of.

Instead of sending YOU to me, God sent me to me.

I became my angel.

I found my sword of truth and became my knight and shinning armor because he knew that It was going to take a strong woman to keep you grounded.

I saved myself because you were busy saving yourself as well so that we can save the world together

one day. This is why I already love you with all my heart.

Trust me when I say I will be your epic love.

The ways in which my life has transformed to make space for you are unbelievable. I know that you are working hard to make space for me as well. This is how I know that you and I will build an empire of love and take over the world together. We will be a shining example of love for all to see. An example of magic for all to bear witness to. To show the world that true, pure love is a real thing, but that it can only be experienced once you have found it within yourself.

We will be EPIC.

I used to pray that you would save me.

Now I pray that you are working to save yourself instead.

Every night I pray for you.

Pray for your courage and bravery to face whatever it is that God is giving you to face.

Baby- I know that it is not easy, but you are strong.

You are resilient.

You are capable.

I know this because you are the other half of me.

I pray for your health and wellness. Mind, body, and soul.

But above all, my love, I pray that you keep your head down and make it to me.