Because I deserve it.

This fucking heart.
This heart of mine will be the absolute death of me.
Being gifted with the ability to love unconditionally is both a blessing and a curse.

This morning I find myself asking God “Why me.”
Why did you give this to me?
What did I do to deserve the pain that comes along with loving people so deeply in a world where love is just a word backed up by no action at all to most?

When you have done the work within yourself and been able to accept yourself and stand in authenticity you give everyone around you silent permission to do the same. You inspire other people to want to do the same. Your aura is effortlessly a safe space for others. Your true compassion is a superpower and your ability to see past the mask and into the true soul of a person is something that most have probably never experienced.

You, my dear, are pure fucking magic in a world where fairy tales are no longer spoken of and people forget how to believe. You are a gem. A diamond. An absolute rarity.

You are not one in a million…. You are once in a lifetime.

So yes, people will crave your vibe. They will see you radiating pure sunshine from your soul, and they will crave every ounce of it because you are mirroring the very potential that they carry within them. You are showing them the beauty and peace that comes with the acceptance of self that is attainable for anyone. You are the lighthouse. Standing tall and shining your light.

Being a lighthouse is not for the weak.

You know that there is no light without the dark. You cannot have one without the other. Your personal experience is a testament to the fact that the crack is how the light gets in. You have gone through the depths of hell within yourself to find the light and allow it to shine.

Your light does not attract the dark… You stand in the dark and you fucking shine. You are most comfortable in the dark because you had to sit and face your darkness to find the light that now oozes from every pore in your body. Your compassion for others is not something that is faked, you can truly sit in the presence of another’s darkness without fear nor judgment and show them that overcoming is possible. Your love is true and pure because you had to become that for yourself. You can honestly love others in their darkness because you found love for yourself in your darkness.

Do you know how special that is?
Do you know the courage that takes?
Do you know how strong you are?

You are fucking magic.

People will love the idea of you, but not many will be able to love you.
Not in the way that you desire.
Not in the way that you crave.
And most certainly not in the way that you DESERVE.

Not because they don’t want to, I promise you that.
But because they haven’t found the ability to love themselves.
To truly accept and love the darkness within themselves.
We can only accept others from the level we have accepted ourselves and we can only love others from the same space that we love ourselves.
You can truly only meet others where you have met yourself.

This is what makes you so special.
You have met yourself, fully.
You have chosen to be accountable and look at your flaws and love yourself anyway. So you can see past the flaws of others and love them anyway.
You have chosen to acknowledge your shortcomings and work to push past them rather than pretend they are not there and continue to bleed your trauma onto others.
You recognize your triggers and refuse to allow them to continue to define who you are.
Being in your life forces others to do the same because you naturally hold others accountable as you do yourself.

This is where your heartbreak usually comes into play.

You see, your love and light will trigger the entire shit out of the unhealed pieces of people that you allow into your space. No matter how much love you give and no matter how much grace you allow, the choice to look at those pieces of themselves is just that… a choice.

A choice that is not yours to make.

No matter how hard you root for someone, no matter how much potential you see in the eyes of another, you can not force them to see it within themselves.
You are simply the mirror that shows the possibility.
You can not do the work for them, and you cannot force them to want to do the work either.
If they choose not to love you the way you deserve, you must love yourself enough to walk away.

When you love…. You love hard.
Walking away will break you.
Every single time.

So when you find yourself heartbroken asking God “Why me” remember that this is a blessing to you as well. There is a reason God puts every person and every situation in your path. There is never a one-sided lesson.

They are a mirror too.
They are mirroring those parts of your soul that still need to be healed as well.
Those parts that still want to be validated and praised for hanging in there even after you saw the red flags and knew it was unhealthy for you.
Those parts that still believe that sitting in the darkness, after being shown that you were not appreciated there, somehow makes you worthy of love.
Those parts of your soul that still crave acceptance from another.

Today, as I sit alone with myself and God praying for the guidance to further heal what is being brought to the surface, I know that someone somewhere needed to be reminded of this as well.
You are not alone. And the pain you feel today is not without purpose.
You are a blessing.
You were gifted the heart that you have along with the courage it takes to share it because you are a warrior.
Never doubt yourself.
Never doubt the role you play.

When you find yourself heartbroken, feel it.
Don’t try to numb it, stuff it, ignore it, or lie to yourself about its existence.
Feel it.
Yell.
Cuss.
Scream.
Throw a tantrum.
Ugly cry.
Punch the air.
Ask God why.
Question the shit out of it.
Ugly cry again.

But when you are done, don’t forget to listen for the answers.
That is how you continue to earn your light.
That is why you were given the heart that you were given because YOU know what to do with it.

We are all just walking each other home, and you, my dear, can hold a hand through the depths of hell.

Keep shining.