Wild Things

Today I affirm that I belong among the wild things.

This morning, as I stand in my mirror styling my hair in double fun buns, little Stormy tried to throw a fit.

“Oh, my GAWD… You’re too old for fun buns, people are going to look at us funny. Just put it in a ponytail.”

She whispers in my ear

She was always very insecure.

No one ever told her that she was special.

No one ever told her that she was perfect just the way she was.

No one ever looked her in the eyes and told her just how magical she is.

So, she never knew.

What a shame.

They were intimidated by the wild in her soul.

So instead, they made fun of her when she stood out.

Her magic made her unique and they made her feel small for it.

She made herself small for them.

Their words became her inner voice because she allowed them to become louder than her own.

“Uhmm… Are you kidding me? They’ll clap their hands and give us the standing ovation that these fun buns deserve.”

I spoke out loud while looking myself dead in the eyes in the mirror as I teased my high pigtails and wrapped them up in messy buns.

Pep talks like this have become the daily normal. Several times throughout the day. Every day. All-day.

This has been a must to allow me space to decide who I really am.

Because I now know that is what it is.

A choice.

We get to choose whose voice is the loudest in our heads.

Now days-I chose my own.

But that choice is often a battle between two voices.

When I tell you it is a battle… LAWD do I mean it.

Sometimes it’s like having dual personalities.

Most thoughts that go through my head are filtered by two different perspectives.

The lens of a scared little girl who would rather stay small for the world because the thought of people not approving of her is the scariest feeling ever.

And the lens of a strong woman who knows and loves herself and knows that her magic is a beacon of light that is meant to lead others to their magic.

The battle is in the ability to find the strength to stay BIG and wild when shrinking is the easier option.

Sure.. putting my hair in a ponytail rather than fun buns or replacing the cropped top with a plain ass t-shirt may not seem like much of a sacrifice…

But to the wild things, it is!!

Once you realize how much magic there is in standing out, standing in the power that was divinely gifted to you, every single cell in your body will fight against fitting in.

You were never meant for that.

YOU ARE FUCKING MAGIC.

You were gifted that magic with purpose.

This is not something to be taken lightly.

Period.

Once you realize how special it is to hold the magic of the rainbow in a world that is so black and white, you have no desire to polarize yourself.

So don’t.

Making myself small served me well as a trash bag kid.

I learned very early on that BIG emotions were not safe. BIG emotions only lead to blown placements which meant another new family.

A new home.

New rules.

New school.

Starting over, again.

You learn that being small keeps you in the same bed for longer.

So, I was small.

When I get mad at that little voice whispering in my ear telling me that all of my magic should be kept in a bottle and placed on a shelf, I have to remind myself that voice kept me alive for a very long time.

It’s okay to love her for who she was to me.

But I also have to remind myself that she is not who we are anymore.

We have always belonged barefoot, lost, where the wild things grow.

Today I ask you:

What is keeping you from putting on the purple lipstick and walking out the door with fantastic fun buns?

What part of you is allowing you to bottle your magic up and keep it on the shelf when you know damn good and well that’s now where it’s meant to be.

That is where you start.

That little voice inside trying to keep you small.

Everything starts with self.

It’s your responsibility to love and accept that inner voice, but also to show her that she is magic.

I dare you to love yourself enough to roam amongst the wild things with me.

I promise you’ll never want to leave.